You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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