i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
