i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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