Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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