One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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