Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
