mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
