I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
