you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
