I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
