its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
