wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
