i think i have two assholes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
