my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
