I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life is so much better after having sex.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
