Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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