So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
