I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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