dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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