I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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