dude i'm inner monologue high
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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