the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
