He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I need a beard to bite.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
