She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
