he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
