eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
