Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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