Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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