Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
