I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
