sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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