I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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