trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
