i used baking grease as lip gloss
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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