The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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