I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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