I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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