Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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