Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
