fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
