You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
