why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
