he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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