Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
