That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I want a musical about memes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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