Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
