he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
