Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
