if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
