Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
