if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
