The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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