I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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