don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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