I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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