Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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