apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
