oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
