i think my tv is drunk
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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