please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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