so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
