if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
