this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
