Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
