i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
