I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize