I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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