Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
