Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
