we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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