Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
