Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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