she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
