Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pants are for mortals
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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