Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
