You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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