if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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