Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
