Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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