omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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