My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
