Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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