is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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